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    NFL Commish is M.I.A. - Beat Jerry Week 5

Trash talking.
 
It's back, baby! And it's due to the lockout.
 
Have you noticed something about the Commish since the season began? Nothing -- and that's the point. After being the Face of Corporate Evil during the lockout, Roger Goodell has been conspicuous by his absence. I think he is intentionally laying low for awhile, which means players are getting away with some stuff that he would have shut down last season. Stuff such as trash talking.
 
Take Washington TE Chris Cooley and his radio comments this week about Dallas QB Tony Romo: "It's amazing, amazing to watch him choke like that. ... It's hilarious to watch him throw pick sixes, too, back to back. I loved it."
 
I'm just sayin', that's good stuff.
 
And speaking of good stuff:
 

Last week: Yeah! A solid 12-4 straight up (40-24 for season) and a good 10-6 against the spread (28-33-3 for season). Granted, Marc Daniels is leading the "Beat Jerry" contest, which I find offensive. But I have begun the slow climb from the back pages to the top of the list. One week at a time...

 
Philadelphia (1-3) at Buffalo (3-1) -- Eagles favored by 2.5 -- Just when I was comfortable in disliking Mike Vick again, he handles something well. The New York Post had a picture of Vick's head on a baby's body with an Eagles' bib and clutching a baby bottle. Said Vick: "My kids were killing me about that. That was a good one. I guess when you sit on the podium and you make excuses like that, then you're going to be labeled a crybaby. So maybe I did deserve it." -- Vick loses a couple of points for throwing in a "maybe" but still dealt with that well. However, I think he and his dysfunctional team will have a lot more trouble with the Bills in rabid Buffalo.
    Jerry says: In a Sob-Sob Upset Special, Bills by 6.
 
New Orleans (3-1) at Carolina (1-3) -- Saints favored by 6.5 -- This game scares a lot of wise guys. And did you know Saints QB Drew Brees is the fourth best Fantasy QB -- but the Panthers Cam Newton is third? Panthers D is banged up, so expect Brees to pick it apart with RB Darren Sproles and TE Jimmy Graham having big days. 
    Jerry says: Saints by 10.
 
Oakland (2-2) at Houston (3-1) -- Texans favored by 6 -- Raiders got their swag back. Says Coach Hue Jackson: "We're going to win the AFC West." Only problem, Hue, is nobody's sure if that's really bragging.
    Jerry says: Texans by 13.
 
Kansas City (1-3) at Indianapolis (0-4) -- Dolts favored by 2.5 -- GanGreene Game of the Week -- Did you know the Chiefs have never won in Indy? And does it seem possible now that these two were playoff teams last season? Dolts almost won in Tampa while Chiefs did beat Vikings at home. Chiefs certainly may win but if you don't think the Dolts win here, when do you think?
    Jerry says: Somehow, someway, Dolts by 5.
 
Cincinnati (2-2) at Jacksonville (1-3) -- Gags favored (!) by 2.5 -- Wonder how many tickets they sold for this? So what went wrong last week, Interim Coach Jack Del Rio? "Not enough offense, defense or special teams." -- Give the man credit, he can spot the problems.  After this, Gags lose to Pittsburgh, Baltimore and Houston before the bye-bye for Del Rio. He'll probably be relieved when he is relieved of his duties.
    Jerry says: In a Del-Rio-Goodbye-Tour Upset Special, Bungles by 3.
 
Arizona (1-3) at Minnesota (0-4) -- Vikings favored (!) by 2.5 -- GanGreene Game of the Week II -- Got a guess as to when Vikes go to Christian Ponder? This looks like the Dolts' game in that you almost have to pick the Vikes at home against a 1-3 foe. But Cards are a good-looking 1-3, having been outscored by just 1 point.
    Jerry says: In a I'll-Probably-Hate-Myself Upset Special, Cards by 1.
 
Seattle (1-3) at East Rutherford Giants (3-1) -- Giants favored by 9.5 -- Nobody cares. Well, OK, Daniels cares. But that's it. And SeaTurkeys do not fly East well.
    Jerry says: Giants by 14.
 
Tennessee (3-1) at Pittsburgh (2-2) -- Steelers favored by 3 -- QB Ben Roethlisberger is wearing a boot while Steelers can't name five healthy offensive linemen. Meanwhile, Titans have given up the following points: 16, 13, 14, 13. So how much scoring do you really expect the Steelers to do? The defense rests.
    Jerry says: In a Perry-Mason Upset Special, Titans by 10.
 
Tampa Bay (3-1) at San Francisco (3-1) -- Niners favored by 3 -- Will someone explain to me what the rest of you see in the Yucs? They barely beat the Dolts in Tampa and you start booking your flights to Indy for the Super Bowl. One example: One QB in this game has a passer rating of 97.7 and the other is 81.1. The 97.7 guy is Alex Smith while the other guy is your Josh Freeman. And this game is on the Left Coast. The defense rests again.
    Jerry says: Niners by 9.
 
San Diego (3-1) at Denver (1-3) -- Chargers favored by 4 -- The "No Respect" Game. Chargers are being ripped at home because their wins are against foes that are 1-11, while Broncos are getting ripped because they won't use their third-string QB. Says Coach John Fox: "It's not something where we took a fan poll or a vote." He's getting hacked about fans' love of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.
    Jerry says: Chargers over another patsy, this time by 8.
 
East Rutherford Jets (2-2) at New England (3-1) -- Patriots favored by 9 -- Will the New York/New Jersey media do us all a favor and stop asking Joe Namath about anything?! Thank you very much. -- Here's an explanation by Jets OG Matt Slauson about team's losing: "We aren't getting defeated physically; we're getting confused." -- Does that make you feel better, Jet Fan? I didn't think so.
    Jerry says: Patsies but just by 7.
 
Green Bay (4-0) at Atlanta (2-2) -- Sunday night -- Cheeseheads favored by 6 -- Have you been keeping score? Have you actually written down how many points the 'Heads have scored in the first month? The answer is: 42, 30, 27 and 49. Let's give
Heads the average against the Angry Birds and that's 37. Sounds about right.
    Jerry says: 'Heads by 14 (37-23).
 
Chicago (2-2) at Detroit (4-0) -- Monday night -- Da Lions favored by 5.5 -- And as a salute to Hank Williams Jr., here's an old-time Monday night ballad as sung by Dandy Don Meredith: "Turn out the lights, the party's over..." As for the game, Da Lions (and their rowdy fans) have not been on MNF for a decade since 2001. Imagine how pumped they are going to be.
    Jerry says: Rabid Lions by 12.
 
Resting: Baltimore.
Recuperating: Dallas and Cleveland.
Rioting: Miami.
 
That's it, gang. Don't forget to make your "Beat Jerry" picks and listen to the show. You'll be better for it.
Posted in: Beat Jerry

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