As it is written, so shall it be:

 

*** Denver 28, Miami 0

 

*** Tim Tebow completes 16 of 26 passes for 178 yards and 2 TD's.

 

*** Tim Tebow rushes 15 times for 48 yards and 2 TD's.

 

*** Miami Coach Tony Sparano is fired on the sidelines at halftime and escorted out of the stadium by security. However, Sprarano later says that just watching Tebow play has enriched his life.

 

*** The Dolphins announce that for the rest of the season all Bronco games will be shown on stadium screens during Dolphin games.

 

*** Dolphins name their interim coach -- Bob Tebow.

 

Last Week: I was sick, OK? Not awful at 9-4 straight up (57-33 for season) and 7-6 against the spread (41-45-4) but the fact that Marc Daniels sits on the top of the Beat Jerry mountain just grinds my grits, you know what I'm sayin'?

 

Bonus Prediction: Most of the point spreads are low this week but most of the outcomes will be double-digit blowouts. Check it out below...

 

 

Denver (1-4) at Miami (0-5) -- Fishheads (hah-hah-hah-hah) favored by 1.5 -- Didn't you read the introduction? Well, here's a cute Fishhead note about last Monday. The Florida Panthers won 7-4 while Fishheads lost 24-6, so they were outscored by South Florida's hockey team 7-6. Let's move on.

    Jerry Says: Tebroncos by 28.

 

Washington (3-2) at Carolina (1-5) -- Panthers favored by 2.5 -- When Rex Grossman was yanked (possibly for the final time) he had a passer rating of 23.7. Wait. That was the good news. He's had lower ratings three times. -- About John Beck, his replacement. You need to keep one thing in mind -- he couldn't beat out Rex Grossman. Beware.

    Jerry says: Panthers by 6.

 

Seattle (2-3) at Cleveland (2-3) -- Browns favored by 3 -- One thing about this turkey: Someone ask Browns RB Peyton Hillis is the Madden Curse is real.

    Jerry says: Browns by 14.

 

Atlanta (3-3) at Detroit (5-1) -- Lions favored by 3.5 -- Lion DE Kyle Vanden Bosch: "We kind of had a feeling we weren't going to go 16-0." Good line but Lion Nation must be terrified that the bubble has burst. The rushing defense has fallen apart with Michael Turner coming to town. Go ahead and laugh but this could be a "must win" for both teams.

    Jerry says: In a Run-Michael-Run Upset Special, Falcons by 4.

 

San Diego (4-1) at East Rutherford Jets (3-3) -- DisChargers favored by 2 -- I just don't get this spread. DisChargers crossing country and have beaten Minnesota, Kansas City, Miami and Denver. Granted, Jets looked bad vs. Fishheads but, come on.

    Jerry says: In a I-Don't-Get-It Upset Special, Jets by 11.

 

Chicago (3-3) vs. London Buccaneers (4-2) -- Bears favored by 1 -- If you've missed it, Google "Cutler & Martz" to find video and sound from last week when Jay Cutler turns to the sidelines and shouts "(Bleep) you, Mike!" -- Rumor is that OC Mike Martz will be dumped at end of season and replaced by (wait for it) current OL Coach Mike Tice. -- And, no, I still refuse to be impressed by the Yucs.

    Jerry says: Bears by 7.

 

Houston (3-3) at Tennessee (3-2) -- Titans favored by 3 -- What is wrong with the Texans? Sure, they've had key injuries but the rest of the schedule is absurdly soft. In fact, the Titans are the best team they will face the rest of the year. If they don't win their division, they should be shot. (Wait, I probably shouldn't say that. OK, they should be flogged. Better.)

    Jerry says: In a Win-Or-Be-Flogged Upset Special, Texans by 3.

 

Pittsburgh (4-2) at Arizona (1-4) -- Steelers favored by 3.5 -- Read a report that said Cards QB Kevin Kolb is "struggling with pocket presence." I really have no idea what that means. Is he worried about how he looks in the pocket? Does he want someone to say, "Hey, Kev, nice presence!" This football stuff is confusing some times. -- One thing I know is that Steelers better wake up with New England and Baltimore on deck.

    Jerry says: Steelers by 9.

 

Kansas City (2-3) at Oakland (4-2) -- Raiders favored by 4.5 -- Anything new in Oakland? One thing you may not know: Carson Palmer's new deal is through 2014 and is worth $43 million. The Bengals made out and he made out but what about the Raiders?

    Jerry says: Raiders by 8.

 

St. Louis (0-5) at Dallas (2-3) -- Cowboys favored by 13 -- Droll line of the week from Lambs Interim Coach Steve Spagnuolo about ailing QB Sam Bradford: "I think you're always concerned when you see your quarterback in a boot." -- Incidentally, Spagnuolo and Sparano both winless? (Cue the "X-Files" theme.)

    Jerry says: Cowboys by 22.

 

Green Bay (6-0) at Minnesota (1-5) -- Cheeseheads favored by 9.5 -- Another good line, this one from Vikes DE Jared Allen: "I just hope all our fans don't sell their season tickets to Green Bay fans." No problem, Jared, 'cause nobody will want your tickets after this game.

    Jerry says: 'Heads by 16.

 

Indianapolis (0-6) at New Orleans (4-2) -- Sunday night -- Saints favored by 14 -- Want to remember something sad? These were the teams from Super Bowl XLIV that was just two seasons ago. Don't ever lose your quarterback.

    Jerry says: Saints but by "just" 12.

 

Baltimore (4-1) at Jacksonville (1-5) -- Monday night -- Ravens favored by 7.5 -- Let's hope somebody remembered to leave the lights on in Jacksonville. Normally not too much goes on there on a Monday night. Or a Sunday afternoon. Or whenever.

    Jerry says: Ravens by 14.

 

 

Make those picks -- and curse you, Marc Daniels!