A Hello Kitty Smart Car?

 

OK, showing you San Diego DL Antonio Garay in his Hello Kitty Smart Car has nothing to do with anything. I just love the idea and wanted to use the photo. Sue me.

 

Let's move on.

 

San Diego does play a roll in our three-part story for Week 9: "Will the one Undefeated Season or either of the two Defeated Seasons end?" It is possible for the Packers to lose at San Diego and it is possible for Miami to win at Kansas City and Indianapolis to win at home against the Falcons. Do I have the guts to pick any of those three upsets? Read on -- but first, some disagreeable bookkeeping...

 

Last Week: Feh. Disgraceful 7-6 straight up (75-41 for season) and 6-7 against the jelly (55-56-5 for season). Don't want to talk about it. ("If you don't recognize the past, you're doomed to repeat it." Oh, shut up.)

East Rutherford Jets (4-3) at Buffalo (5-2) -- Bills favored by 2 -- Jets Coach Rex Ryan was seen in a mall wearing a Joe Namath jersey. Joe's reaction? "I'm just stunned that my No. 12 jersey comes in that size." Sweet, Joe. (That was said sarcastically. My "sarcastic" key isn't working but that was meant to be sarcasm because Joe really is a tool.) What? The game? Beats me.

    Jerry says: Bills by 4X.

 

Seattle (2-5) at Dallas (3-4) -- Cowboys favored by 11.5 -- Doesn't it seem as if the 'Boys play Seattle and Arizona every other week? After SeaTurkey loss last week, Coach Pete Carroll said of his own play-calling: "We learned what happens when a coach gets hormonal." Wow. Is that a first? Here's a tip, Pete: When I get hormonal, I take some Midol. Sure, you get an odd look when you buy it at the grocery but it's great stuff. I do get so moody sometimes. What? The game? Beats me. Actually, it doesn't.

    Jerry says: 'Boys by 13.

 

Cleveland (3-4) at Houston (5-3) -- Texans favored by 11 -- Browns have scored 46 in last 4. That's not good. Texans under Gary Kubiak are 28-2 when they run the ball at least 30 times. Arian Foster is on both of my Fantasy teams. Will you please run the ball 30 times!

    Jerry says: Runnin' Texans by 16.

 

Atlanta (4-3) at Indianapolis (0-8) -- Falcons favored by 7 -- Here's my homework results: Dolts lost on road by 23.2 average but lose at home by just 5.0. Meanwhile, Falcons have been outscored by 3.0 on the road. Also Falcon QB Matt Ryan is gaining 6.68 yards per pass attempt -- exactly the same as Dolts QB Curtis Painter! (Don't know what that means but wanted to impress you with my research.) So what do you think?

    Jerry says: In a Set-Andrew-Luck-Free Upset Special, Dolts by 2!

 

Miami (0-7) at Kansas City (4-3) -- Chiefs favored by 4 -- Problem No. 443 for the Fishheads is that former Pro Bowl LT Jake Long has been lousy. Asked if he might bench him, Interim Coach Tony Sparano said: "No, Jake would punch me in the face." -- Is that a clue that Tony has a management problem? -- We're saying the Dolts find sunshine. Are we saying the same for the Fishheads?

    Jerry says: Chiefs but just by 1. ("Awww, that's cruel!" Yes, yes it is.)

 

Tampa Bay (4-3) at New Orleans (5-3) -- Saints favored by 8 -- Yucs beat Saints 3 weeks ago and Lambs beat Saints last week. Isn't it time the Saints showed us something?

    Jerry says: Overdue Saints but just by 6.

 

San Francisco (6-1) at Washington (3-4) -- Niners favored by 3.5 -- Has anyone other than his Fantasy owners noticed that Niner RB Frank Gore has four consecutive 100-yard-rushing games? What's this guy got to do for some respect?  -- Having said that, I was actually going to pick the Native Americans again until Marc Daniels and other friends did an intervention. I'm cured and will never pick Washington.

    Jerry says: Niners (but just by 1 'cause I'm not completely cured.)

 

Denver Tebonites (2-5) at Oakland (4-3) -- Raiders favored by 8 -- Here is the rest of the Tebonites' schedule: at Kansas City, Jets, at San Diego, at Minnesota, Chicago, New England, at Buffalo, Kansas City. How many wins do you see? -- Note that Tim Tebow's passer rating is 75.1 while Carson Palmer has a nice 17.3. There is hope.

    Jerry says: Raiders but just by 2 as in 2-0.

 

Cincinnati (5-2) at Tennessee (4-3) -- Titans favored by 3 -- Pacman Jones returns to Tennessee! Asked if he expected the fans to give him a friendly welcome, Pacman said: "Hell no. They booed me when I was there so you know they're gonna boo me now. That (bleep) don't bother me." In case you couldn't tell, Pacman says he's a new man.

    Jerry says: In a Win-One-For-Pacman Upset Special, Bengals by 4.

 

St. Louis (1-6) at Arizona (1-6) -- Cards favored by 2 -- Classical GanGreene Game of the Week -- Seriously, why would you watch this game? Points? I'm not sure if there will be any first downs.

    Jerry says: In a I-Don't-Care Upset Special, mighty Lambs by 3 (after Cards fumble on their 2-yard-line.)

 

East Rutherford Giants (5-2) at New England (5-2) -- Patsies favored by 9 -- Giants begin their terrible march through New England, San Francisco, Philadelphia, New Orleans and Green Bay, oh my. But start your Eli Mannings as Patsies have worst pass defense in universe having allowed 300 yards throwing to six QBs in their 7 games. Tough game to call and spread looks silly.

    Jerry says: Patsies at home but just by 6.

 

Green Bay (7-0) at San Diego (4-3) -- Cheeseheads favored by 5.5 -- Who's that Tebowing in San Diego? It's Norv Turner, giving thanks because it's past Nov. 1 where his record is 28-7. But can his DisChargers find some way to keep pace with the Cheesehead Scoring Machine?

    Jerry says: In a Yes-The-Can Upset Special, DisChargers by 5 (and I expect you to Tebow in my direction when this one comes in.)

 

Baltimore (5-2) at Pittsburgh (6-2) -- Sunday night -- Steelers favored by 3 -- Ravens beat Steelers 35-7 in opener, which makes everyone expect revenge-served-cold Sunday night. Add in that Ravens' offense has disappeared. But Steelers' D is hurting (especially LBs who are needed to stop RB Ray Rice) so not so fast my friends.

    Jerry says: In a Run-Ray-Run Upset Special, Quote the Ravens, win by 4. (And, Al Michaels, you have my permission to steal that "defense-served-cold" line for your opening.)

 

Chicago (4-3) at Philadelphia (3-4) -- Monday night -- Eagles favored by 7.5 -- I was going to do it. I was going to pick the Bears. But I've already picked the Dolts to win and the Cheeseheads to lose. Maybe I have a problem....

    Jerry says reluctantly: Eagles but just by 3.

 

 

 

Make those picks and have a great weekend.