How many "picks" will we watch in the first Thursday Night Special of the season?

 

Five? Ten? A thousand?

 

Last week Carson "Living Dead" Palmer threw three picks for the Raiders while, yes, Philip "Cry Me A" Rivers threw the same deadly trifecta for the Chargers. Palmer has been picked 6 times in 2 games, while Rivers leads the pack with 14.

 

Can it get any worse than that? Yes, yes it can -- just look at what I did last week...

 

LAST WEEK: I don't want to talk about it. OK, just to keep the records straight, I was si...si...six right and eight wrong straight up (81-49 for season) and 7-7 against the jelly (62-63-5 for season). But there's half a season to go, so my glass is half full. Yeah, that's my rationalization and I'm sticking to it.

Oakland (4-4) at San Diego (4-4) -- Thursday Night -- DisChargers favored by 7. Rivers actually threw SIX TD passes last week (counting the 2 for Green Bay). Yahoo Sports had an anonymous DisCharger quote about TE Antonio Gates: "He looks old and fat." At least I think it was about Gates because they don't even know me.

 

New Orleans (6-3) at Atlanta (5-3) -- Saints favored by 1 -- A month ago this would have looked like an easy Saints' win but not now. All 3 Saints losses have been on the road while Falcons seem to have rediscovered their running game. Look for Michael Turner to run right at Saints LB Jonathan Vilma and SS Roman Harper. (Wait a second. Doesn't this sound a lot like "x's and o's?" OMG, I'm turning into Ron Jaworski!

 

 

Tennessee (4-4) at Carolina (2-6) -- Panthers favored by 3.5 -- Despite their records, don't Panthers seem better than dysfunctional Titans? Did you know Cam Newton, in 8 games, have passed for more yards than the Panthers did all of last season? Of course, you've probably thrown for more yards, too. Meanwhile, Titan Coach Mike Munchak said "We are looking at going 12-4." -- Yeah, and I'm looking at marrying Fringe Agent Olivia Dunham in some alternate universe.

 

Detroit (6-2) at Chicago (5-3) -- Da Bears favored by 3 -- Speaking of alternate universes, in this one the Lions are 4-0 on the road. That can't be right. They can't run or stop the run. Fantasy owners, start all your Matt Fortes.

 

Pittsburgh (6-3) at Cincinnati (6-2) -- Steelers favored by 3 -- Guess who's a tweetin' fool? Why it's Pacman Jones: "It's a great week to be a Bengal. Let's go beat Pitt (bleep)." Uh, Pacman, the Commissioner on Line 3.

 

St. Louis (1-7) at Cleveland (3-5) -- Browns favored by 3 -- The Lambs scored 4 points in the 3rd quarter last week -- and it was the first 4-point quarter in the 92 years of the NFL. Where else do you get this stuff? (Actually you could have gotten it from Elias Sports Bureau or Peter King or footballguys.com but who's counting?)

 

Buffalo (5-3) at Dallas (4-4) -- Cowboys favored by 5.5 -- Did you know the Bills have a corner named, wait for it, Reggie Corner! Bada bing. Thank you, thank you. I'll be here all week. Try the veal.

 

Jacksonville (2-6) at Indianapolis (0-9) -- GanGreene Game of the Century -- Gags favored by 3 -- Remember when Phil Simms said on his show that there was "no way" Peyton Manning would let the Dolts draft Andrew Luck? Well, Simms emailed Manning to say he meant no offense. Manning replied: "Phil, I hate to break it to you, but I don't watch your show -- along with a lot of other people I don't think watch that show." Yes! Manning's first score of the season. -- The game? I actually picked the Dolts to win last week. Never again.

 

Denver (3-5) at Kansas City (4-4) -- Chiefs favored by 3 -- And now -- another episode of "Time for Tebow" -- "You're going to have people that praise you and people that criticize you and everything in between. If I listened to everything that you all say, my world would be so up and down. I'm grounded upon my faith, my family, and that's what grounds me. Football is what I do for a living and what I do for fun. If I rode the roller coaster of what everybody says about me then my life would be a lot more hectic than what it is." -- And that's been "Time for Tebow."

 

Washington (3-5) at Miami (1-7) -- Fish (!) favored by 4 -- The Fish actually found a team they could be favored over at home despite never winning there. As for the Native Americans, did you know they are 9-14 for Mike Shanahan after being 10-13 under Jim Zorn, 10-13 under Joe Gibbs and 10-13 under Steve Spurrier? Yes, Shanahan is going where no Native American coach has gone before.

 

Arizona (2-6) at Philadelphia (3-5) -- Eagles favored by 14.5 -- Have we finally reached the point that we can forget about the Eagles? No? Can't wait to see which QB the Cards use. Last week John "Halloween" Skelton gave up 2 safeties in one quarter. Hard to do. But Kevin Kolb has the uncanny skill of facing a 6-yard sack and turning it into a 50-yard interception.

 

Houston (6-3) at Tampa (4-4) -- Texans favored by 3 -- Texan Coach Gary Kubiak has his team vote for a new team captain every year at midseason. LB Brian Cushing was the unanimous choice. That's great for Cushing -- but what about the old captain? -- Meanwhile, welcome aboard, Albert Haynesworth. We're sure you'll make all the difference -- at least in the lunchroom.

 

Baltimore (6-2) at Seattle (2-6) -- Ravens favored by 6.5 -- Trap game! Ravens beat Pittsburgh again and, after this, have Cincinnati and San Francisco on deck. Will they take another nap like they did at Tennessee and Jacksonville? Well, they do have one thing going for them -- SeaTurkey QB Tavaris Jackson.

 

East Rutherford Giants (6-2) at San Francisco (7-1) -- Niners favored by 3.5 -- East vs. West. Steel Cage. Manning vs. uh, Smith? But know this: Giants have given up at least 100 yards rushing for last six games and Niners have a guy named Gore.

 

New England (5-3) at East Rutherford Jets (5-3) -- Sunday night -- Jets favored by 1.5 -- Talk about coincidence: Wes Welker caught 9 balls for 136 yards last week, while Chad Ochocinco had 9 catches for 136 yards -- this season. I'm just sayin'.

 

Minnesota (2-6) at Green Bay (8-0) -- Monday night -- Cheeseheads favored by 13.5 -- 'Heads beat Vikes 33-27 couple weeks ago and Vike LB Chad Greenway called it "the most positive loss in our whole lives." What? Don't sell yourself short, Chad. You could have another positive loss Monday.

 

Here's hoping you got your picks in before Thursday but, even if you didn't, you can still pick the Sunday/Monday games and be eligible for our weekly prize. Go. Do it now.