Surely you've seen it by now. What I love is that the dog is really running and the monkey is clearly tied to his back. You got to wonder what the poor monkey was thinking. "How the hell do you make this dog stop? Whoa? No, dammit, that's for a horse."

 

This should not stop. The NFL hasn't done anything with its halftimes for ages. Why not dog races with monkey jockeys? No need to thank me, commish. Just put the check in the mail.

 

Last week: Yes, I gave you the Colts' victory. Thank you very much. Unfortunately, I didn't give you much more, finishing 9-7 straight up (144-80 for season) and 7-8-1 against the spread (111-105-8 for season). Going to take a lot of risks this week because, well, it's a desperate attempt to at least make page 1 of the Beat Jerry standings.)

 

Houston (10-4) at Indianapolis (1-13) -- Thursday Night Special -- Texans favored by 7 -- Truth in prognosticating: At the time I'm writing this, Houston leads 7-0 after a TD run by Adrian Foster. Yeaaahhhhhhhh!!! I'm trying to defend my Fantasy championship (Can you say "budding dynasty?") and he's the key.

    Jerry says: Texans by 112. (Later: Oh, good Lord, one last hurrah for Reggie Wayne.)

 

 

Cleveland (4-10) at Baltimore (10-4) -- Ravens favored by 12.5 -- Let's see, the Birds are 7-0 at home and the Browns have scored more than 17 points once -- and that was 27 in Week 2 vs. the Dolts. You get my drift?

    Jerry says: Ravens by 24.

 

Denver (8-6) at Buffalo (5-9) -- Tebows favored by 3 -- Beware this game, Tebonites. Last home game for beaten down Bills who could feel just a little better by rising up against You-Know-Who. And C.J. Spiller may provide the running game in cold weather that can keep Tebow chillin' on the sidelines.

    Jerry says: In a Redemption-Is-Best-Served-Cold Upset Special, Bills by 7.

 

Tampa Bay (4-10) at Carolina (5-9) -- Panthers favored by 7.5 -- Speaking of beaten down, take the Yucs, please. Yucs have been pounded 110-48 in last 3 losses including 38-19 by Panthers. There is NOTHING good to say about the Yucs.

    Jerry says: In a Somebody-Call-The-White-Coats Upset Special, Yucs by 1.

 

Arizona (7-7) at Cincinnati (8-6) -- Bengals favored by 4 -- Hate this game. Nobody cares but it's the hardest pick of the week. As I've told you all season, Bengals cannot beat a good team but can beat the bad ones. The question is whether the Cards are good or bad? -- Give me one second (Heads it's the Cards, tails it the Bengals....)

    Jerry says: Tails, Bengals but just by 1.

 

Oakland (7-7) at Kansas City (6-8) -- Chiefs favored by 2.5 -- Chiefs Interim Coach Romeo Crennel got his first Gatorade bath ever last week. He's now 25-40 as a head coach. Players love him, chanting his initials "R-A-C" after the win. That's kind of nice.

    Jerry says: R-A-C by 10.

 

Miami (5-9) at New England (11-3) -- Patriots favored by 9.5 -- Let's here it for Fish RB Reggie Bush, who has rushed for 100-103-203 in last 3 games. Unfortunately for Miami, back in Week 1, the Patriots racked up 622 yards and 5 TDs, including 4 passing TDs by Tom Brady. Can't think of much Bush can do about that.

    Jerry says: Patriots by 17.

 

East Rutherford Giants (7-7) at East Rutherford Jets (8-6) -- Jets favored by 3 -- The Battle For New Jersey! All week I was leaning toward the Giants until I learned that in his office every Thursday, Jets Coach Rex Ryan invites some players in for an ice-cream social. Come on, you can't root against that.

    Jerry says: Jets by 6 cones.

 

St. Louis (2-12) at Pittsburgh (10-4) -- Steelers favored by 16 (if you can find a bookie that will touch the game) -- Also found out this week that Steelers fans are buying Terrible Towel app for their iPads. If they start waving their iPads instead of towels, that will be so lame. This game? Don't be serious.

    Jerry says Steelers but just by 10 Towel apps.

 

Jacksonville (4-10) at Tennessee (7-7) -- Titans favored by 7.5 -- As predicted here, the Titans could not beat the Dolts last week. If you can lose to the Dolts, you can lose to anybody -- even the Gags.

    Jerry says: In a Dumping-On-The-Titans Upset Special, Gags by 1.

 

Minnesota (2-12) at Washington (5-9) -- Native Americans favored by 6.5 -- There are a lot of games that should be canceled just to be polite. Last week Vikes RB Adrian Peterson gave a shout out to his Fantasy owners, saying he wanted to play for them. Yeah! But then Toby Gerhart stole 2 TDs from him. Boo!

    Jerry says: Native Americans but just by 3.

 

San Diego (7-7) at Detroit (9-5) -- Lions favored by 2.5 -- How many points will be scored in this one? In last 2 weeks, Chargers have won by combined 71-25 while Lions have won by combined 62-55. The fact Chargers may be able to play just a little D could be difference.

    Jerry says: In a "Defensive-Struggle" Upset Special, Chargers by 3.

 

Philadelphia (6-8) at Dallas (8-6) -- Cowboys favored by 1.5 -- Last week Deion Sanders won our "Broadcaster of the Year" award for asking Dallas QB Tony Romo the following opening question: "Who gets in your butt?" Not that's how to interview a guy. (Romo politely passed.)

    Jerry says: (You saw this coming, right?) In an In-Your-Butt Upset Special, Eagles by 3.

 

San Francisco (11-3) at Seattle (7-7) -- Niners favored by 2.5 -- Really tough call. Niners on very short week after big win vs. Steelers, while SeaTurkeys have quietly won last 3 by combined 99-41. And they love playing at home.

    Jerry says: Niners by 9 but don't count on it.

 

Chicago (7-7) at Green Bay (13-1) -- Christmas Night Special -- Cheeseheads favored by 12 -- Ho-Ho-Ho.

    Jerry says: Cheeseheads by 21 days of Christmas.

 

Atlanta (9-5) at New Orleans (11-3) -- Night After Christmas Special -- Saints favored by 6.5 -- Another probably scoring feast. Falcons won last 2 by combined 72-37 and Saints won their last 2 by combined 64-27. Chances are that last score wins.

    Jerry says: Saints but just by last-second 3.